Colbert Reacts to Democratic Victory
And now, America’s favorite fake neoconservative nutcase reacts to the Democratic victory in Congress.
Tomorrow, you’re all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags, where tax-and-spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh, and everybody’s high!
Rumsfeld Resigns
First the Republicans’ defeat in Congress, and now this. The hits just keep on comin’.
Faced with the collapse of his Republican majority in Congress, President Bush responded swiftly today by announcing the departure of Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and vowing to work with Democrats “to find common ground” on the war in Iraq and domestic issues.
With Democrats having recaptured the House and control of the Senate hinging on the outcome of a single unsettled contest in Virginia, Mr. Bush, sounding alternately testy and conciliatory at a White House news conference, said he was “obviously disappointed.â€? He portrayed the results as a cumulative “thumpin’” of Republicans, and conceded that as head of the party, he bore some responsibility.
Just days after telling reporters that he would keep Mr. Rumsfeld on for the rest of his term, Mr. Bush said that the two had agreed “after a series of thoughtful conversations� that it was time for Mr. Rumsfeld, a magnet for criticism about management of the war, to go. Senior White House officials said the move had been planned for weeks, but the timing of the announcement left no doubt that Mr. Bush wanted to make a dramatic demonstration of flexibility in dealing with a war that has come to define his presidency.
That’s what happens when you shake hands with Saddam and tell aides to roll a tragedy into an excuse for war. Maybe he shouldn’t have lied about shooting down Flight 93, too.
